Let it snow...

It's January 15th.  There's a beautiful, bright yellow glow of sunshine streaming into my house.  The ground outside is covered with shiny white snow.  Do I dare go outside and play in it?  Nope.  Here I sit, in my pj's drinking my coffee and watching a cheesy movie on the Bounce network.  I know I should be workout out or cleaning my house, but I just can't seem to get moving.  It's almost noon and I've done nothing productive, except make breakfast.  Why have I felt so drained lately?  I need a big burst of energy.  I need to get things done.  But, here I sit.  Lazy as ever.  Feeling as if my life will never truly change.  I know change is something that I can control.  But lately it feels like no matter how hard I try to do things differently, the more I revert back to my old lazy self.  I feel like a failure.  What happened to me?  I used to be unstoppable.  The best at everything I tried.  Now, I can't even be ok at what I try.  Am I not trying hard enough?  Or do I just not care about the things I'm trying to change about my life?  Maybe it's a little of both.  So, how do I fix this?  Maybe I can't.  All I know is, I cannot keep doing this.  I need to find something I truly care about.  I need to find a life.  I might be alive, but I'm not really living.  And I'm getting entirely too good at faking it to others. 

Sorry, I know this one sounds depressing.  Just trying to get out some feelings of inadequacy that have been haunting me the last few days.  Don't worry about me.  I'm a survivor.  I'll find my way.  Eventually. 

Happy 2012!

So, this year started off a little rough for me.  In December, I applied for another job in my company, but found out this week that someone else got it.  I also found out there are some really negative perceptions of my work capabilities because of the job I'm in now.  That was very disappointing.  I work hard and am good at it.  Just because I haven't done certain things in a few years doesn't mean I can't relearn them.  Oh well, it was for the best.

Then, earlier this week I dropped my personal laptop and it wouldn't turn back on.  I thought I had fixed it, but didn't.  Turns out I might have damaged the hard drive.  So, I sent it out to a friend to see if he can fix it or at least retrieve my music and pictures.  What a week!

On the plus side, I am making great strides in my weight loss.  I gave myself a challenge.  Every day this month, I am going to workout at least 30 minutes a day.  It's day 6 and I've kept it up.  I feel better.  My stress has been significantly reduced.  And I can see a visual difference already in my body.  My hope is that after these 31 days, I'll keep it up at least 5-6 days a week.  I started this month at 213.  So, we'll see where I end up on Feb 1st. 

This year is going to be a crazy busy one.  I've got 2 weddings, 1 of which I'm in, a birthday weekend celebration out of state, and a cruise in May.  In addition, I have almost 30 trade shows this year.  I'm going to be tired come Thanksgiving.  :)

That's about it for now.  I hope each and every one of you has a fantastic 2012 full of love and happiness.  I know I plan to.